last year it was very clear to me that brave was my word for 2016. following some chaotic and violent events in our world in 2015 paired with my first year of college, my anxiety was a full blown mess. I knew in my head that God's perfect love casts out all fear, but I also knew in my heart that it is simply not that easy to overcome.
often in the church, the message that is communicated to christians is that God does not give us a spirit of fear, which while entirely true is also hard to hear when you struggle with anxiety. it can give the message that you're failing in your faith. you begin to doubt your relationship with God and begin to feel like your faith cannot possibly be real, because if it was surely you'd be able to overcome anxiety overnight by singing worship songs and memorizing scripture. but it's just not that easy.
I chose brave for my 2016 word because I knew that my christian identity was not one that cowered in fear of life's uncertainty, but one that stood unafraid on the name of God. I am by no means cured of anxiety--I still have days or weeks when leaving my house is painful if not impossible, and nights of sleeplessness and nightmares. but overall, I am much more confident in my identity in Christ and where it leaves me as a christian. I know that regardless of what happens during my life on earth I am secure in my eternal outcome. I wore a necklace engraved with the word 'brave' and I used a phone case that said 'be brave' on the back. my bravery failed me when I was asked to house sit for a friend and had to drive back to their house three times after I left because I was so anxious something had gone wrong. my bravery failed me a few weeks ago when I was in a car wreck--I still have not been able to drive again. however, I was brave enough to start a new business as a usborne books & more independent consultant. I was brave enough to go on a trip by myself in may, brave enough to take a new job over the fall. I am at the very least brave-r than I was on December 31st 2015.
so today, I've chosen my word of the year for 2017. it's different. a different concept, and a different goal. but more on that in 2017.
much love and bravery in these final hours of 2016--
sj
p.s.//louie giglio has an incredible sermon on being a christian with anxiety called 'when darkness falls'. on his years of struggle that is so comforting to hear a spiritual leader talk about. I listen to it in my good times and my bad times and it is always a blessing. you can listen to it here. please listen to it--if not for yourself than for your friends, family, and people in the community with anxiety.
